The Problems with Criticism
Criticism is not always wrong, but the problems it can create should be acknowledged and understood. Try to use criticism gently and sparingly if you care about your fellow human beings.
These are some of the ways heavy-handed criticism can cause problems:
1. Puts people on the defensive.
Causing them to feel attacked and breeding mistrust.
2. Motivate people to justify and defend/explain their actions.
How is this a problem?
Well it effectively shuts down positive communication by creating walls.
It can even have the detrimental effect of encouraging the person to "act out" in defiance towards the perceived "attack".
Even though we are ultimately responsible for our own actions, our influence on another person can have unintended consequences. So just something to keep in mind when entering potentially volatile situations.
3. Wounds a persons pride.
Even if we have the best of intentions we can still cause harm and damage.
When we criticize others we can possibly make others feel less than. While also causing them to feel irritated and annoyed with you and even undervalued, unappreciated and resentful.
It is important to build a person up more than tear them down. If you make an effort to find opportunities to build someone up, then when you must criticize them for whatever reason, and if you are kind about it, then the negative effects will be lessened.
4. Lowers self-esteem
Occasional criticism won't usually have that much of a negative effect on another person. But a person who receives constant criticism will find it has a detrimental effect. Keep in mind your opinions may not be the only ones this person is dealing with.
So be kind and considerate when you are critiquing another person.
5.. Be Kind
If you must criticize someone do it sparingly and gently.
Be kind. Be compassionate.
Learn to be diplomatic and be gentle while doing so.
6. Sometimes Criticism is Necessary
Sometimes it is necessary and imperative that we speak up and criticize and irritate someone.
It is up to us to determine if the criticism is worth the cost. if the answer is yes then do it.
Keeping a positive healthy atmosphere is a balance of
Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed my viewpoint.
If you disagree with my thoughts, that's ok too! :D
The greatest battle we face is the one inside ourselves.
It is the one battle we should never give up on.
Striving to reach our fullest potential
and be the best we can be.
Persevere and you will be successful.
1. See the potential lesson
Even in tragedy and daily annoyances there is wisdom to be found everywhere. You may wish the negative things never happened but at the very least you can learn something from it.
That doesn't mean negative, rotten things are good though. It just means if you are going to get some real lemons you may as well make some lemonade. Add vodka if necessary! haha! :D
So look at your tragedies for an opportunity to improve on patience or forgiveness, compassion, valuing loved ones etc...
2. Appreciate what you do have (even if it is very little)
Taking time to focus on the things we do have that we can appreciate is a moment spent away from dwelling on the negative things in our lives. Everybody needs a break from their struggles. I am sure there is always something we can be grateful for. Whether it is good friends, a safe home, fresh water, good food or the hobbies you enjoy. Look around you and remember the things that are good in your life.
3. Enjoy the little things
A friendly smile, a warm hug, an adorable pet, a fun hobby, spending time with loved ones. Take some time to notice and acknowledge the joy found in these simple yet wonderful things.
4. You don't have to "do" anything to be happy
Give yourself permission to just BE, and recognize that is good enough.
5. Don't compare yourself to others
There is always someone better off than you and there is always someone worse off.
Comparing yourself to others is a sure way to start feeling miserable or inadequate.
So stop comparing and just live your own unique life.
(you may find inspiration in others and that is great but don't put yourself down!)
6. This too shall pass
I know it is an old cliche, but it is still true - nothing lasts forever.
Bad Things? Good Riddance!
Good things? Enjoy it while it lasts!
7. We all have flaws
Give yourself (and others!) a break. We all have flaws, we all screw up and we all struggle.
Try not to be too judgemental or critical and try to grow your own compassion, kindness and understanding.
8. Laugh at yourself and your foibles
Don't take life too seriously even when it is! When we can laugh at ourselves it helps the crap just roll off our back instead of sticking to us. Sometimes life is just ridiculous, so go ahead laugh at yourself and laugh at life.
9. Embrace Yourself!
Both physically (go on give yourself a hug! lol)
emotionally (love yourself!)
spiritually - enjoy the unique person that is you.
Thanks for reading i hope you enjoyed my thoughts on ways to brighten your day.
Mind and thinking encompasses:
Healthy thinking helps us be discerning and realistic and wise.
Our thoughts help keep our feelings and imagination from running away with us. Our thoughts can help us remain grounded when our feelings or imagination goes a little bit haywire.
Healthy thinking: sees the world and our experiences realistically with clarity and common sense.
Healthy thinking has a mind open enough to consider new ideas but it is also closed enough not to believe everything it hears. Healthy thinking is discerning thinking.
Unhealthy thinking sees things in a false and twisted manner.
How to inspire healthy thinking?
Find common-ground when dealing with others
play strategy games
Feelings encompass our full range of emotions which influences how we bond with others, the relationships we have with others and our reactions to our experiences and the world around us.
Healthy feelings help us inject love, warmth and kindess into the world.
When feelings are healthy and balanced we can respond to stimuli calmly and wisely without being over-reactve and taking everything personally.
Healthy feelings also help us set boundaries with others and ourselves.
When feelings are healthy they help keep our thinking and imagination in check.
Feelings keep logic from becoming too cold and distant by balancing thoughts with warmth, kindness and soft-heartedness which can help us gain understanding instead of just judging and labeling everything.
When your feelings are balanced and harmonious you can also influence your imagination with love and kindness and keep it from descending into unhealthy twsted perceptions. Feelings of love and compassion can help keep us from imagining the worst.
How to inspire healthy feelings?
Bond with friends, loved ones, pets and nature.
Respond carefully to stimuli instead of immediately reacting.
Empower love, kindness and patience over anger and frustration.
When feelings get the better of us, walk away from the situation and take time to decompress.
Come back to the discussion when you feel more calm and in control.
Set boundaries when you feel experiences or relationships are having a deterimental effect on you.
your unique individual perspective
how we perceive reality
mystery and magic
creativity and creative expression
extrapolating (imagining cause and effect)
A healthy imagination helps us see the mystery in life and find creative solutions to living life happily and with better relationships.
When your imagination is healthy you inspire your intellect to try to keep an open mind about things.
Imagination injects hope and faith into our thoughts. As well it helps us appreciate the beauty and mystery of life.
A healthy imagination can also influence your feelings to remain positive and hopeful.
How to inspire a healthy imagination
Cultivate creativity! Writing, drawing, painting, cooking, gardening, hobbies
Be mindful of the things your imagination conjures up in your head.
Expose yourself to things which inspire you and connect with your sense of awe and wonder
Intuition encompasses our inner sense and guidance about many things while also discerning intent of others.
Our intuition helps us sense danger and safety.
Our intuition can get corrupted and lead to paranoia or "rose colored glasses' syndrome.
When we are grounded and balanced our intuition works with us instead of against us.
Sometimes people don't realize that intuition just like anything else can become distorted.
A healthy intuition is a wise guide and friend. An unhealthy inituion not so much.
Since initution seems to me, to be sourced from our sub-conscious leaking into the conscious, it is hard to keep your intuition healthy through conscious knowledge. The best way i have found to keep inituition stable and balanced is by making sure the other 3 aspects of our psyche (thoughts, feelings, imagination) are healthy, balanced and stable.
When you become unhinged and unbalanced, then you begin to absorb upset and destroy inner peace. This is how we become stressed, disturbed and we lose discernment, inner peace and our clarity becomes clouded, foolish and inaccurate. Our relationships become strained and our decision making begins to work against us.
How to Inspire Intuition:
spend time alone in solitude
contemplate and reflect
be inspired seek wisdom
Take time to heal any wounds you may have and strengthen the peace in your heart, your imagination and mind.
Every person has unique experiences and a unique personality. What is normal for one person isn't necessarily normal for another. Our experiences help guide us as well as warn us. So pay close attention to what goes on inside and involve yourself in activities that inspire.
These are some of the things that i have used to help me get through bouts of anxiety.
This isn't medical advice or anything, these are just some ideas that have worked for me.
As it gets closer to the Christmas/Holiday season, anxiety may be triggered much more easily so hopefully some of the tips can help you out too.
1. Calm Yourself Breathe slowly and calmly or will it make it worse?!
Breathing nice and slow can soothe your mind and body and assist in calming the intensity of anxiety.
BUT sometimes focusing on breathing can be an additional source of anxiety!
My personal experience has been that sometimes when i try to just breathe in a relaxed manner i can begin to feel stress, thinking things like -
ahh i can't breathe, i can't get a deep breath, i feel like i am suffocating etc...
This always happens to me! So instead of relaxing me i become obsessed with breathing and become more upset. Kind of defeats the purpose.
So if this popular idea of focusing on your breathing just ends up upsetting you like it does me, then don't do it. Do something else.
Instead, I just focus on something else like a word or a mantra (sometimes i just mentally repeat words like calm calm calm, or relax relax relax, patience etc...), a prayer, a saying, reading uplifting or encouraging quotes or any other mental activity which distracts from the overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I find this technique soothing and calming.
Often when i focus on a chant or a mantra the deep breath comes naturally and I feel better. The most effective thing I have found about saying a chant, mantra, or word is i make sure i repeat the words calmly and slowly, and it helps calm down the racing feelings inside of me.
p.s. i have a journal of handwritten quotes and it is a great source of encouragement and distraction for me.
2. Exercise to release excess energy.
Even going for a brisk walk helps. It helps to release pent up energy.
Anxiety is often caused by the activation of the fight or flight mechanism and our body needs to vent this energy and stress.
If you are feeling dizzy or light headed, obviously you should be careful and probably sit down.
Doing some kind of exercise in a seated position can help.
In such instances where you feel woozy you can also find other ways to release energy such as drawing, scribbling, coloring, painting or writing.
Do something that helps distract you from the discomfort and pain of anxiety.
I like to color and draw and doodle and paint and sometimes write or read. Watching movies or surfing the internet....anything that helps keep my mind off my anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety feels really intense and all i can really do is sit quietly and wait for the episode to pass. Judge for yourself what is best for you.
4. Find your inner strength.
Trust that you can get through this.
Be your own cheerleader. You got this!
If this has happened before, remember you survived and these feelings will eventually pass.
If you have never experienced feelings like this before, take comfort in knowing it will pass and it won't kill you.
It just feels extremely uncomfortable for awhile but it eventually fades.
5. Have Patience.
Let the distress run its course. Don't fight against it as this only makes it worse.
Remember an anxiety attack or a panic attack won't kill you.
You just need to let it run its course.
6. Be aware of triggers and stressors.
Learn what sets you off and try to reduce their influence in your life.
Or if there is a problem that is setting it off, work toward solutions.
Sometimes there is no trigger you are aware of and it just comes over you and happens.
Just accept that sometimes we don't know why and don't stress about it.
7. Think Positive.
Remember to have love, patience and compassion for yourself.
Focusing on positive mental feelings such as love or compassion helps us to feel like we have a friend in ourselves, one who understands and is patient with us. Be your own source of comfort.
Accept that you feel anxiety and stress and don't feel ashamed or weak or weird.
It happens to lots of people and probably right now someone is going through the
same thing as you. Mentally connect with that idea and realize you are not alone.
The more you can accept that anxiety is happening and not fight against it the easier it will be to cope. Let it run its course. This will help prevent you from aggravating your anxiety even further.
9. Take care of yourself.
Anxiety is a miserable experience both physically and mentally.
Be gentle and nurturing with yourself.
Once the anxiety has passed take some time to recover from it.
I hope these tips helps you cope with your anxiety.
If you feel overwhelmed please talk to somebody especially a medical professional or someone close to you that can help.
There are actually more than 3 types of thinking
but I would like to look at the 3 types that are
present in our daily lives and effect our well-being :
Encouraging and supportive thinking which uplifts our spirits, self-esteem and mood.
This type of thinking is beneficial when it encourages, motivates and inspires us to be kinder and more caring to ourselves and others.
This type of thinking is detrimental when it elevates us up too high, so that our opinion of ourselves becomes overblown leading to arrogance, self-righteousness and narcissism.
Healthy positive thinking tends to be patient, kind. considerate, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, grateful and respectful.
This type of thinking is the balance between positive and negative thinking.
It is our own opinion about things and it is honest and sincere for that moment.
This type of thinking is benenfical when it motivates us to look honestly and sincerely at ourselves and our experiences.
This type of thinking is deterimental when we use our "honesty" in a passive aggressive manner and use it as an excuse to hurt ourselves or others.
Realistic thinking allows us to be honest with our thoughts and feelings and opinions.
It allows us to learn.
It allows us to be discerning.
It allows us to develop wisdom.
Self-acceptance without egotistical narcissism means you see your strengths, your flaws and your weaknesses. You accept the struggle that is a part of the human condition.
When we can see our flaws, without empowering them and allowing them to run rampant, we can feel peaceful towards them. Perhaps even reduce the potential harm they may cause.
Sometimes negative thinking is the first step toward making a personal change.
It can motivate us toward realistic thinking.
When negative thinking goes too far and gets out of control it can become
abusive and insulting. Making you feel stressed, anxious and low.
If our thinking just insults and harms us it is of no use to us.
Combat negative hurtful thoughts with a combination of self-acceptance (hey i'm only human) and humility (admit when you are wrong).
When managed correctly
8 Tips to help you manage your thoughts.
1. Paying attention to your minds chatter and its effect on you.
Question the way you think and change old bad habits into new beneficial ones that increase your well-being.
We all have flaws so acknowledge and accept this fact about yourself and others.
Balance self-acceptance with humility so you don't act like a jerk.
Sometimes we need to take a good honest look at ourselves and see if we are sabotaging ourselves or hurting others. We should always strive to do the least amount of damage possible. But we are not perfect and often screw up so don't expect perfection. Basically: don't be too hard on yourself, but don't be too easy either.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
There is always someone better than you and there is always someone worse.
Comparing just leads to problems.
Be yourself and don't try to be someone else.
5. Have compassion for yourself and others.
Direct compassion towards your own pain. This can be very soothing and healing. When we learn to have compassion for ourselves we can learn to have compassion for others.
6. Let go of wrongs
Eventually there will come a time when we should let go of past wrongs.
Move on from your mistakes and others mistakes too.
Don't allow the memories of the past to keep haunting and hurting you.
Move on and forget about them without bitterness, vengeance or malice.
Of course every situation is unique and different and these are just general ideas.
7. Set boundaries
Don't put too much value in what other peoples opinions are.
Of course don't strip them of all value either.
A lot of our negative thought processes have developed through what we have heard in the outside world. Now we are just repeating those things to ourselves.
Set boundaries and don't allow nastiness to infect your mind.
You need to protect and nurture your mind.
Listen to other peoples opinions and determine for yourself whether they are valid or not.
It's your life you decide.
When necessary, be polite and learn to set boundaries and say no if and when necessary, for your own well-being.
8. Value integrity
Ponder wisdom and spiritual ideas.
Take some time to get to know the qualities that are beneficial to your well-being.
Define for yourself what you believe.
Take time to think, contemplate, read wisdom books, get inspired with positive messages etc...and determine what is important to you.
Sometimes bad things happen because we are foolish or ignorant. Sometimes bad things happen because it is just random chaos. If we strive to do our best, that is good enough.
The wiser we become the better it is for our well-being.
Random acts of kindness make us feel good.
They also brighten someone elses day.
The more we practice kindness, the kinder we become.
The kinder we become the more peaceful we feel.
Here are 18 ideas for random acts of kindness to try. You never know, it might make you feel happy! :)
Be Kind! have fun! :)
p.s. if you like the quote above you can find a postcard version in my shop.
a good deed brightens a dark world
1. Learn to pay attention to all your thoughts.
Pay attention to your minds running commentary.
Don't passively accept your minds commentary.
Look at it, ponder it, form your own opinion and then assert it. We have all spent a lifetime being conditioned by outside influences, many of them negative.
Time to change old bad habits in to
good new ones and cultivate better mental awareness.
2. Let go of foolish thoughts.
Some thoughts are just old habits repeating the same tired words and patterns.
Stop chasing these thoughts.
Letting go of them will lead to better mental calm.
Sometimes your mind likes to suck you into random foolishness often upsetting our stability.
Reject the thoughts that you realize are the same script repeating itself and acknowledge you are tired of this game.
3. Deal with your issues.
Some thoughts keep coming back because you have not dealt with them properly.
Until we deal with our issues our mental calm will always be upset.
So, simply, deal with your issues.
Sometimes it is hard to get to our truth,
keep digging and asking yourself questions to find out exactly what it is that is truly bothering you.
Be patient this can take time.
4. Reject negative influences.
There are so many negative influences in the outside world and they seep into our minds.
Your mind is both influenced by the outside world and by YOU.
It is important to be aware of what is going on in your mind.
Be determined to be the greater influence.
Then your mind can learn peace and love and calm and happiness, from you.
5. Allow time for your hurts to heal.
Sometimes we are coping with pain and we need to allow ourselves time to hurt and be angry or sad. This is part of healing.
You need to give yourself time to process these emotions,
otherwise you will never really heal.
Don't take your emotional pain out on others that just causes more pain.
Find ways to process your emotions in a way that doesn't hurt others.
6. Respond instead of react.
Take a deep breath and calm your nerves before you respond to any difficult situation.
In doing so you can remain stable and balanced.
Think before you speak.
Then speak in calm rational tones.
7. Speak to yourself with dignity love and respect.
When we can get into the habit of mentally speaking to ourselves this way we can break the old habit of insulting ourselves and insulting others.
When the minds random nasty thoughts arise, we are armed with the tools to reject such notions.
8. The benefit of a calm mind.
When we cultivate peaceful happy emotions and mind states we can become a more loving, understanding, forgiving person.
When we learn to rely on ourselves for love and compassion it is much easier to share it with others.
If they withhold love, that is ok, as you can always direct love to yourself.
A life can not fully bloom without the gentle touch of love.
Love can be found in many forms
A partner, a friend, a pet, family etc...
5 benefits of Love
1. It is nourishing for the soul, the heart, the mind.
A person without love risks feeling alone, unfullfilled and perhaps lost.
2. Love reduces stress and increases health and well being.
3. Love provides a friend to confide in which helps us share our struggles, hopes and fears.
This can give us the strength and courage to go on, especially in the dark times.
4. Humans, whether they admit it or not thrive on having some kind of contact, touching, sharing, hugs etc... Without love depression can set in.
5. Love provides a sense of belonging and helps us feel needed and accepted.
When we feel unneeded, unloved and unaccepted we tend to feel grief, sadness and pain.
Love basically helps us feel whole and connected and content.
5 Ways We Express Love To each Other
It is not always beneficial to raise your expectations. just as it is not always beneficial to lower them. Keeping them in a healthy balanced zone is best for our well-being.
Of course every situation is unique and different, so we can decide when to raise them and when to lower them using discernent and wisdom.
Here are 8 ways to keep them balanced and working for you.
1. The world is messed up.
Accept the world is a messed up place and move on.
But, also acknowledge that there is a lot of good, kind, loving, helpful people out there. Hooray!
2. Yes people are weak sometimes.
Don't expect others to have the strength to be peaceful, kind and gentle.
Who knows what struggles they have experienced or might be going through.
Balance this by remembering:
You can be peaceful, kind and gentle even if others can't be.
Be the example, and balance the anger and hositility out there with compassion and kindness.
3. We all have flaws.
Accept we all have flaws and sometimes we don't do a very good job.
But also realize, since we all have flaws, have some compassion and don't be so hard on yourself or others.
4. Sometimes we have no control over things.
Accept reality as it is when you have no control over a situation.
But also remember:
Whenever and wherever you can don't accept a crappy reality if you can do something to improve it.
Accept you will sometimes get sad and angry and distressed and may even act unpleasantly.
Have compassion for your own weaknesses and perhaps you can have compassion for others too.
This can help you accept that sometimes we are all crappy.
Remember you can also keep chaotic hostile feelings balanced with peaceful calming feelings.
Don't allow anger or grief to consume your mind.
6. It's hard to understand other people sometimes.
Don't expect to understand everyone.
But, we can at least try. This requires listening, not talking.
People are more often nasty through ignorance than malice.
Too much pain can cause us to act nasty,
just as too much adulation can lead us to act this way as well.
Sometimes people just can't rise above their situations and experiences.
Sometimes they don't want to.
It often takes wisdom and strong determination to rise above our experiences.
7. Where is the love?
Don't expect people to love you.
Instead learn to love yourself so that when people don't love you, someone still does! YOU :)
Then when someone does love you, it is a gift, a blessing, a bonus.
8. Set boundaries if they can't be respectful.
Expect and demand that others people treat you with a certain amount of dignity and respect. If they can't do this little thing, then create some distance. Remember, you too must treat others with dignity and respect. This is great for the well-being of all.